Learning to Cultivate Inner Calm

A client said to me recently “Oh, you are always so Zen, I’m sure you were just born that way.” I replied “Oh no, I have cultivated this attitude of calm, I’m actually quite firey by nature.” I appreciated her bringing this to my attention because it allowed me to think about my journey of ‘how’ did I create this calm?  Often times we arrive at a goal, and then forget how we did it. The journey is the most valuable part of the learning. We make wrong turns and then course correct, and if we can do this with awareness, acceptance, and self love the journey happens with more ease.

Think about how many things you do in your daily life without really thinking about how you do it.  Like driving a car. The comment from my client has inspired me to look at how I navigate life with confidence and calm vs. fear and reaction. I have nurtured a practice of awareness, acceptance and self love.

My journey started ten years ago when I took my first Life Coaching Certification with Patty Jackson, she developed the Seven Steps to Positive Change ™ -The Natural Learning Process.

I will reveal each of the Seven Steps to Positive Change, over the next 7 weeks in my Tuesday blogs.

How have I cultivated a Zen attitude? Let me give you an example of  how I’m using the first step:  AWARENESS, ACCEPTANCE, AND SELF LOVE.

Here is a typical example in my life and what the ‘old me’ would have thought and what the “current me’ does:  today is a ‘workday’ and I don’t have any clients.

Old me: “You aren’t good enough.  People don’t want to pay for your service. You better figure out how to get more clients. You’re not working hard enough.”

Current me: “I’m okay. My bills are paid. It’s Summer and this is my slow time. What can I do with this open time? How do I want to spend my time and energy today? What would feel good?”

With the awareness and acceptance “I’m okay.” vs. the shaming of “I’m not good enough.” I set myself up internally for my next step of taking an action. ie. writing this blog post. I know that I can only write when I feel inspired.  If I was telling myself I’m not good enough over and over again I would completely turn off the desire to share my story.  And I would sit in a pile of shame.

I took action and chose where I wanted to place my attention and I looked for evidence.  For example; my thought of “I’m okay” is supported with evidence “my bills are paid” this demonstrates how I’m choosing self love and acceptance.  I also asked myself what would feel good?” The answer for today is “I want to write and then if the sun comes out later, go for a swim or if it stays rainy I may go see a movie.”

We have to consciously become aware of the unconscious thoughts and stories that we play in our mind over and over again.  Did you know that we think about 95% of the same thoughts today that we did yesterday? Do you see how important that first step of AWARENESS truly is?

Don’t ever underestimate the power of awareness. When you become aware of a thought that you want to change, be aware that you aren’t shaming yourself for thinking it. Example of an acceptance thought: “Oh, there it is again.”  vs. shaming thought: “OMG I can’t believe I keep thinking that thought, what is wrong with me?”

The self love step is to ask yourself the question “What would I rather be thinking, feeling, and experiencing?” and allow the answer to bubble up from your heart and then think, feel and experience it!  Have fun learning how to incorporate your own awareness, acceptance and self love.

If you desire to reduce self doubt, anxiety and stress from your life you will have an opportunity beginning September 11.  Join my six week journey into Personal Leadership and learn, experience, and practice tools to help you cultivate and master your relationships with yourself and others resulting in more calm, joy, and ease in your life. Follow this link to learn more.

Experts estimate that the mind thinks between 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day. Remember you are the one choosing your thoughts.

-Susie Raymond

Emotional Empowerment Life Coach, Reiki Master/Teacher, Esthetician, Change Catalyst


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