Selfcare vs. Selfish

Do you believe self care is selfish? As I listen, and coach, mostly woman, I often hear a fear about taking care of one self for the risk of being thought of as selfish.  Since none of us can truly know what someone else is thinking it actually comes back to our own inner thought of  “you are selfish” that keeps you from listening to your ‘inner wisdom voice’  which is guiding you toward taking good care of yourself. Do you see what a crazy cycle of self denial of our own personal needs that this creates? What I notice is the people who are most afraid of being called selfish actually have created a habit of being over-helpers, over-givers, and often feel depleted, used, and lack a zest for life. Why, because they give to others at the expense of their own joy.

So how do you differentiate between understanding if you are being selfish or acting in self care?


  • Breaking agreements without explanation or caring whom it affects.
  • Taking care of oneself at the cost of another.
  • Taking without recognizing the imbalance of giving and receiving.


  • Listening to what your heart desires and acting in a way that supports that desire, and believing that others will do the same.
  • Making choices that increase your joy and happiness, and the overflow inspires you to give to others.
  • Takes time to create win-win scenarios.

The first step is checking in with yourself and learning how to listen to your own thoughts and feelings. If this feels like a new habit for you, then I recommend checking in with yourself when you don’t listen to your own needs (which may be more habitual).  When I don’t listen to my own needs I feel resentment, a decrease in patience, my fuse becomes shorter resulting in quick anger. The result? I don’t feel good and either do the people around me.

When you step into self-care, you teach others (through your actions) how to do the same for themselves. when you do that you inspire others. 

Here is a recent example of how I took care of myself on Sunday:

My husband and extended family love Packer Season. To me Packer season is an opportunity to gather on cold winter days with my family in a shared interest. However, in September my desire is to spend time outside in some nature activity.  On a gorgeous September Sunday I would be out of alignment with my own desire if I dedicated 3 hours to sit inside and watch football.  How do I create a win-win scenario?  I will communicate my plans to gather with my family for the first half and then I will get on my bike and go for a ride to satisfy my need for nature and exercise during the second half, and maybe I will re-join them for the final 2 minutes of the game to welcome a Packer win. 

Giving is best when you give from your overflow of giving to yourself. This way you can give away without attachment, resentment or depletion.

Selfcare strategies:

  • Be kind to yourself, and you will be kinder to others.
  • Be willing to listen and live your way.
  • Take time to create win-win scenarios.
  • Set realistic goals. Do your best and let your best be good enough!
  • Take care of your body, mind and spirit – YOUR WAY.
  • Accept yourself.
  • Take responsibility for yourself and let others take responsibility for themselves.
  • Learn the language of self-acknowledgement (what is right with me!)
  • Practice love.

Love, Susie Raymond

Emotional Empowerment Life Coach, Reiki Master/Teacher, Esthetician, Catalyst Clear Inner Focus Coach


By Appointment Only Tuesday Through Saturday

Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates.

Contact Us


10040 N. Port Washington Road
Mequon, Wisconsin 53092

10040 N. Port Washington Road Mequon, Wisconsin 53092


(414) 352-6550



Tuesday – Saturday By Appointment


By Appointment Only Tuesday Through Saturday

Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates.